The Easy Bake Dutch Oven

We recently had some difficulty with our built-in oven. The landlord came over, we unscrewed the retaining screws, pulled out the oven, and found the oven was plugged into a power-strip along with the hood fan. Having studied electrical engineering, I am no electrician. Still, that seems very wrong, no matter what voltage you are running. Let's hope the apparent Clark-Griswold-esque installation is above board with Dutch building codes and the Europe's higher voltage makes it all okay.

Eurovision - Where American Idol, The Olympics, and Geopolitics Collide

The Hague, The Netherlands

If you had asked me one week ago: What is Eurovision? I would have guessed that it is the name of a television network in France that produces a steady stream of the French equivalent of Telenovelas. I would have been totally wrong. It is, in fact, a musical performance contest where 43 countries compete for 25 slots in a 3 hour performance broadcast live this past Saturday night from Dusseldorf, Germany. It has been going on for 56 years. All 43 participating countries get to vote for the winner out of that group of 25. (You might be asking: "43? Are there really that many countries in Europe?" Well, yes, there are more than that, if you throw in Israel, Russia, Vatican city, and San Marino (just kidding about Vatican City, they did not participate this year).

In case you missed it, the song contest is an entertaining evening of music, costumes, dance, and light displays. The performers are closer to N'Sync and Ke$ha than anything else, but PG-rated. There were some very good acts and some oddities. We enjoyed Bosnia Herzegovina's kitschy cold-war-folk-rock-performance, Estonia's discordant pop-song, hard rocking Georgia, and a festive Spanish performance. In a rare Eurovision moment, Lena, the comely winner from Germany last year defended her title in an enjoyable performance. We were laughing at the French's opera singing heat throb and Greece's spoken word + off key Gregorian chant/opera + ionic columns in the background (side note: honestly ionic columns! Greece should invest some of the bailout money on R&D in coming up with a new type of column). None of the bands we thought were going to do well, except for BH, placed high in the voting.

Eurovision is truly unAmerican in the sense that it runs for 3 hours on public television, without commercials, and the voting of each country is revealed live at the end, country by country. It is truly American in the sense that almost the entire show is in English, which makes it very easy to watch. Votes are 50% popular, 50% by a committee from each country. There must be a lot of criticism about the voting because the hosts defended it a few times by saying "It's how we have always done it." Also,voting is like the U.S. Senate, that is to say strange, because Andorra and San Marino has the same voting strength Germany and France. Countries tended to vote for their neighbors and conspiracies abound.  I went to bed as the votes of 43(!) countries were tallied.

Azerbaijan, The Eastern part of "Eastern Europe"

In the morning of the following day, I learned that Aizerbaijan took the title, in a surprise to rest of Europe. Bordering Iran and normally known for its "strong women's volleyball", "adept chess players", and above average "performances on Russian quiz shows", Azerbaijan's attractive duet had memorable white costumes. In fact, that's all I can remember of their performance. As the winner, Azerbaijan has the honor of hosting next year. Given the estimated cost of 30 million euros to put on such an event, Greece, Ireland, and some of the other countries were probably relieved that they did not win.

There is a lot of geopolitical analysis, naval-gazing, and tea leaf reading that goes into the contest. Just do a search  on Google and you'll see headlines like "Ireland pins bailout hopes on Eurovision" or "The Netherlands did not make the finals for the third year in a row, Parliament investigates", etc. All the self-examination is probably the most strange and least enjoyable bit of the extravaganza.

Bottom line, Eurovision probably does do more to help countries cooperate than foster, counter-productive, nationalistic sentiments. Like the Olympics, it probably does little net good or, at worst, little harm to have the contest for a region that has had countless wars over the past thousand years. I'll certainly be paying more attention next year to see how Azerbaijan puts on the show and looking forward to the zany costumes and back drops!

Verblijfsdocument Succes! (Residence Permit Success)

The Hague, The Netherlands

The slim envelope arrived Saturday telling me my Dutch residence permit was available for pickup! Abnormal these days, today I left the house before Maggie, and pedaled my bike up to the government building we have visited on a few nervous occassions in our quest to get me a residence permit.

The renovations they were making to the original lobby were completed. The IND removed their institutional, fiberglass "1 person per seat please" chairs and added a number of ultra-modern lime green sofas. I settled in for a long wait as the room was packed. I reviewed my Dutch vocabulary and after no more than five flashcards they called my number. I got my residence permit card! (It has the absolute worst picture ever taken)

The sky was crystalline blue and I pedaled away from the IND as if I was sixteen years old with my drivers license in hand, headed to my super sweet sixteen party filmed by MTV. (Of course, we had a "Super Residence Permit to party" party with our friends and neighbors yesterday to celebrate and I did not arrive by litter but I was grateful to our friends for celebrating with us). I rode my bike the long way home acting like I owned the country, and immediately transfered all of my belongings to a new wallet, no longer being required to carry my passport and visa around everywhere.

It is such a small thing but it removes a huge amount of uncertainty for Maggie and me. It also means we can make plans for next month without having to worry about me being forced to leave the country suddenly or applying for transit visas. I am looking forward to Spring in the Netherlands!

Tip: How to Setup Shortcuts for Google Translate

Being so bad at Dutch, I do a lot of translation from Dutch to English and vice versa. With so much translation between two specific languages, I find that it pays to create bookmarks that pre-load the languages I want. It's simple to do in Chrome, or any browser.


Here's how:

1. Go to Google Translate (translate.google.com)
2. Set it to the languages you commonly use (e.g., English and Dutch)
3. Leave the textbox blank and click "Translate". 
4. Your URL should have something like "#en|nl|" with the two letter language codes you want at the end of it separated by "pipes" (usually SHIFT+\)
5. Create one bookmark in your browser where the URL is "translate.google.com/#en|nl|" and the other is "translate.google.com/#nl|en|" and name them something like "English to Dutch" or "English->Dutch" etc.
6. For extra credit, you can add it to your "Bookmark Bar" so that it is always accessible

As a heavy user of Google Translate over the past few months, I usually notice when Google introduces new features to translate. Here are a couple more tips and tricks for Translate:


Translate Emails - Turn on message translation inside Gmail. Go to Google Labs (you have to enable Labs if you have not already). This way you can get those Groupon messages from Bogotá and easily translate them from Spanish to English and then jet in for the weekend. Be wary of turning on too many of those Labs things. I think it slows Gmail down.
Alternate Translations -  Point your mouse on the word to figure out what original word or phrase is associated with it (highlighted in yellow). When you get your translation, click on the translated word for alternate possibilities. This gets pretty hairy with long documents

I am, albeit behind, three quarters of the way done with Dutch Rosetta Stone. I'll update on that soon too.

Succes!

Dutch Immigration Update (2/2): Not Bad News

The Hague, The Netherlands

Cracking the Dutch Immigration's Code

Last week we got a letter from the IND (e.g., Dutch INS) requesting more information about my business. This was neither good news, at least, the news we were hoping for, nor bad news. The IND requested a certification of my bank accounts from a registered accountant and simple set of opening financial statements. This was relatively simple set of documents that required a bunch of leg work to secure and some misadventures in speaking Dutch.

The request gave no further information about when we should expect a response. We are rounding out the three month mark since I submitted my application. This was when the agent said we should expect to hear something. We were warned, however, as a result the international treaty under which I applied, it could take longer. The visa I was issued still allows me to stay until May so we *still* feel pretty good about the whole process.

I do still feel like I have applied to college and I am waiting to hear. The question is, should I be hoping for a thick envelope or thin envelope? The last one was very thin and caused a lot of distraction. I am hoping the next one has a greencard.

Q1 - Kafka's Greencard (Visa Update (1/2))

Den Haag, Nederland

Many of you have asked what my visa status is. I appreciate all of the concern and I am grateful for those of you who helped with the visa application. I still have not heard anything, and this is definitely a “no news is good news situation.” Currently, I have a 6 month temporary visa whilst awaiting the decision on my application. We would be able to appeal, should I receive a “NEE!” from the Dutch Immigration (IND). Also, some nice people we met who work at the UN have said we should contact them before I leave the country. We feel like have solid backup plans in any case.

(Here is a longer, Kafkaesque story about applying for a residence permit in The Netherlands)

It's good to be lucky. The Dutch visa process continuously reminds me of that. I won an ovarian lottery long ago. It was not due to any work or risk-taking on my part. This is both funny and sad at the same time. When I attend my various immigration appointments, I remember (and promptly forget) what a luxurious position I am in. The people  waiting in queue at these government offices have desperate, tired looks on their faces. I can afford to be annoyed at the bureaucracy. They cannot.

Several weeks ago, I received a registered letter from the city government that said I missed an "integration" appointment and that they took the liberty of scheduling a new appointment. Also, the letter stated I could be fined if I missed this new appointment too. The letter was written only in Dutch and something was lost in the translation that Google provided. It did not explain what "integration" was nor whether or not my application for a residence permit had been accepted or rejected. The letter stated that I had to bring all my documentation (e.g., passport) and that I should not miss the appointment. I hoped that the appointment might shed some light application I filed with Dutch immigration two months earlier.

I arrived, gave the receptionist my appointment letter, and they directed me to the waiting room, where there were a lot of hopeful families waiting in queue for some positive outcome to their own meeting. The female agent who called my name was young, had dyed-blond hair, and had a round face. I introduced myself in pidgin Dutch, she had a quizzical look as if she was straining to understand my accent. I caved and I asked in Dutch if she spoke English. She frowned and said “Yes.”

Once we sat down, she asked me very sternly, in English, why I missed the first appointment, whether or not I knew how serious the Dutch “integration” requirements were, and if I knew what the integration law was. I answered all questions with a sincer “no” and apologized for missing the first invitation. I learned that the Dutch Immigration law, passed in its current incarnation in 2007, requires non-EU immigrants to take Dutch language courses and learn about Dutch culture. “Perfect!” I thought as I must have had an excited look on my face at the prospect of free language and history courses.

She then asked for my “green card.” I replied that I did not have one yet. Her eyes widened and she asked “why not?” I explained that I have a temporary stamp in my passport that allows me to stay for six months while the IND processes my application. She asked where I was from and for my passport and I told her I am “American.”

Immediately, her steely exterior shattered and she became visibly agitated. She stumbled to get out her next request for my paperwork. She then blurted out something like “I am very nervous about my English, I don't normally speak with native English speakers.” I told her not to worry and that she speaks perfect English, like almost every Netherlander I encounter.

She then looked in her database at my records, and she saw that my Dutch residence permit application is still in “procedure”, which means “no decision” from the IND. Then she told me that I was mistakenly sent the letter for this appointment and that it would be unlikely that I would be eligible for the integration classes and that I should call prior to returning, even if I receive an appointment notice. It appeared I, once again, had broken the system as an American. It must be a rare thing that a U.S. Citizen immigrates to the Netherlands in South Holland without a company sponsored work permit or other exception. I feel like an out-lier at all of these appointments.

The whole appointment took no longer than ten minutes. As I walked out I saw some of the people who angst-fully waited in the lobby with me. Perhaps they missed their first appointment too. Their officials still had stern looks on their faces and the discussions appeared tense. I promised it would would take me longer to forget my lottery winnings this time.

Grateful for Trash Day

Den Haag, Nederlands

Today is our once a week "rubbish collection" and we have never been so grateful for a trash day. It's the day when I bound out of bed, run down the "ladders", and happily take out our very smelly refuse.

There are no cans outside, no cans in a garage, and the seagulls get into our trash if we leave it out on our tiny porch. Hence, we usually have very smelly trash by the time collection rolls around every week.

On Monday night, a day I like to call Trash Day Eve, I scour the flat for things to throw away. Nearly finished box of cereal. Adios! Almost empty jar of pickles. See ya! 1/16 left in the Aveda Color Enhancing shampoo bottle. Tot ziens! I just cannot take the risk of those emptying in the middle of the week.

Of course, people on the street must think I am strange (like most of my friends already do). I will surreptitiously throw a chicken bone in the public rubbish bin on my way to the store if I know it is going to be a long time between pickups.

A few more things that strike me as different when you stay in the Netherlands:

• No recycling pickup - Paper is picked up once a month but other than that, you are on your own should you choose to recycle. This is a typical Dutch solution. The economics and environmental impact are debatable if municipalities pick it up curbside. Dutch solution: easy-to-empty bins (for trucks that is) at select locations around town.
• Deposit bottles go to the store - there is a large deposit on some bottles (EUR 0.25). Shaw's in Massachusetts has these sorts of machines although the small deposit makes it less tempting. The machine prints a ticket that you take to the cashier for a refund. I cannot figure out which ones are deposit and which ones are not, yet.
• Al Cans Don't Recycle? - I have not figured out where to take the few aluminum cans we have. At the recycling center I only see glass and paper. I have not seen any plastic either now that I think about it by the city hall says there are places to deposit those recyclables as well. Also no steel can (e.g., soup cans) recycling
• Plastic bags - Small plastic bags, the current scourge of humanity, are still widely available at the grocery and retail stores for free, unlike what I saw in Germany. Most people opt to purchase a reusable, heavier-grade bag of rice paper or plastic for a nominal charge. I don't see a lot of people with the designer bags that you see in the States and other places. My Gucci, collapsible bag certainly makes me standout.

A bit of regulation at the expense of marketing would probably make sense here as well as in the United States. The banks of the Maas river were covered with plastic bags and I have seen them skimming the bags out of the moat in front of the iconic parliament building.

My uncle told me a good idea: all packaging of a particular type should be the same color. For example, all food plastic should be brown, all heavy-grade cleaning plastic blue, all glass brown, etc. That way it could be easily sorted by machine. Apparently, glass is not worth very much when the colors get mixed. These days there are people who sort this glass by hand as it flies by on a conveyor. Yikes!

Drie Fietsen (Three Bikes)

Columbia, MD, U.S.A.

In a mad-frenzy, before heading to the United States, I bought three bikes. This is below average for the Netherlands because most families have four bikes. I chose the type of bike I should buy the same way I make every important decision, I took a poll (Exhibit A) on this blog. A clear majority (53%) voted that I should buy an omafiets. In total, I bought three.

Exhibit A - Bike Poll Survey of 13 readers, 12/2010

All three of the bikes have a "ladies" step through type frame. It's also called "omafiets" or "opafiets" (literally "granny bike" or "grandpa' bike") here. Despite not being a lady or a grandpa, I was assured that my masculinity would remain intact if I rode one, as they are unisex. Interestingly, although they typically have three speeds, but they don't have a derailer like you would find on a normal ten speed or mountain bike. Plus, the cogs, sprockets, and chain are all sealed in a housing. That's pretty sweet.

Exhibit B - Maggie's new (used) omafiets

Bikes and biking culture in the Netherlands are fascinating to me. I am sure you could write books, people probably have, about all of the different customs and rides. My goal is for Maggie and I to be able to ride bikes, shoulder to shoulder and holding hands, as many couples I have seen by the time we leave. I have also seen parents riding a bike with there hand on the back of a child, helping them along (awwwwhhhh!) on their own bike. You know you are truly Dutch when you can drag a roller-board suitcase behind you whilst riding. Of course, people talk on the phone and hold their umbrellas, but that stuff is amateur.

A few quick takeaways about Dutch biking:

• Bikes have two locks: one chain, one circular. You have to lock both. (BTW - I am going to bring the circular locks back to the States and make a fortune promoting, reselling, and installing them if you want to join me)
• Don't wear a helmet: I am going to try to bring back my helmet after Christmas, but I guarantee you that the local news will do an action news report titled "Strange American Covers Head with Helmet While Riding Bike. We'll ask: why?"
• Always go perpendicular to tram tracks: The tram track is exactly the same size as a bike tire. This is harder to master than you would think. Tram tracks are everywhere. I have talked to a number of people who have wrecked this way. Amazingly, no one I know has been run over by the tram.
• Do not put a rubberband on your pants leg: Besides being a total nerd there would be no need. Most of the bikes have a plastic housing around the bike chain so go ahead and wear your best wool pants sans dorky reflective velcro strap.

Now that I have three bikes, when you come visit you will be able to use one. I hope to see you soon.

EFL (English as a First Language)

The Hague, The Netherlands

Source: Wikipedia, "List of language by number of native speakers"
http://goo.gl/2QMLQ, Accessed 2010-12-09

It is getting easier to be a native English speaker. This is probably what it felt like for native Latin speakers in 117AD at the peak of the Roman empire. Blame internet domain names, Google Translate, the EU,  iPhones, McDonalds, Justin Bieber, or what have you, more people speak English, better, than ever before. Even compensating for my urban-biased life, I rarely run into someone, including in remote Luxembourg, who does not speak far more English than I speak in their native tongue. This makes me lazy and creates even more inertia for me to overcome my monoglotony.

One of the original goals for living abroad, for me, was to perfect my Spanish (see entry on Bogota). So I have been on the lookout for a new language to immerse myself, given our change in venue. German seemed like a good idea given its business applications, but we only get one German TV station and it is bad. Mandarin Chinese was a candidate for similar reasons, but intonation is really hard. Despite sounding more melodious than French and Russian to my ear, Arab was not a candidate given the unlikelihood of me living in a country where the average temperature is above 80 degrees Fahrenheit. Then I threw all of that market-based thinking and rationality aside and made my decision.

Forthwith, I will use Rosetta Stone to try to learn a language natively spoken by nary more than 20 million people (compared to Mandarin with 800 million) and ranking only 45th in the world, Dutch. Sure, toss in the people of Flanders (Belgium) too, but that is not something to brag about and it won't boost Dutch's rank very much. 

Most expats I meet here think I am crazy to want to learn Dutch. I have met liberal polyglots who speak five languages that have lived in The Netherlands for over five years and do not speak more than three words of Dutch. Why would you when 50% of the TV channels are in English and everyone is bi-lingual is what I often hear. Unfortunately, I have also had expats say things to me like "Name one significant Dutch work of literature/film/poetry that would make Dutch worth learning?" 

The reason I want to learn Dutch is that this is my home, for the next nine months, at least. Shouldn't you speak the language of your homeland? Secondarily, I get tired of being so disoriented in public, especially when I spend much of my time alone. (Plus, I know everybody is talking about me behind my back!) Besides, would you want to learn a language that has words like kneuterdijk (songbird-dike), lekker (Tasty!), and alstublieft (please, if you please,...)?

So I'll update you on my progress and how I find Rosetta Stone (an expensive and potentially solitary endeavor). Feel free to enter some comments on language learning or Rosetta Stone.

Tot ziens (See you soon)

December 6th: Sinterklaas and 6-8 Black Men

The Hague, The Netherlands

Yesterday was December 5th. In addition to being a very special birthday, it was also Sinterklaas (St. Nicholas) Eve and today is Sinterklaas Day in the Netherlands. If you have not already, I highly encourage you to read or listen to David Sedaris' Esquire piece about the Dutch Saint Nick, entitled "Six to Eight Black Men." Very funny and insightful.

Happy Sinterklaasje day everyone!

Nee/Nee, Nee/Ja, or Ja/Ja?

Den Haag, Nederland

We don't get junk mail here in the Hague. We have this little sticker on our post-slot that tells the delivery person that we want nothing to do with junk "Nee/Nee." This seems like something the US Federal government should take on as a reform. "Nee" or "Ja"?

Success! (at Submitting an Application)

Den Haag, Nederland

We had our penultimate visit with the Dutch Immigration (IND) last week. We knew going into it that they were simply going to accept our application and thank us for our 300 euro application fee. I think we were both secretly hoping that they would say something like "everything appears to be in order and you are, after all, a handsome american couple so you should expect your permit in a few weeks." Of course, that did not happen, but, the IND did give me a fancy temporary visa stamp in my passport that will allow me to return after Christmas for up to six months.

Fingers crossed, in that period of time the IND will approve my application and grant me a 12 month visa. Then we'll figure out what and if I need to reapply to extend that 12 months later.

Thanks to everyone who helped take the survey and/or review the business plan. Maggie pulled out some really great editing at the last moment for the business plan and it is something to be proud of, even if a Dutch bureaucrat is the only one who has the opportunity to read it. Now I need to execute on some of it.