Totally Snarly

Den Haag, Nederland

A journalist's favorite word for describing the painful cocktail of heavy snow and transportation delays is "snarl." The word was apt yesterday because everyone was "snarly." The girl in front of me in the line at the gate was brought to tears when the gate agent gave her the option of (a) taking a flight to Philly, potentially missing her international connection, and being stranded there (Monday) or (b) getting a confirmed ticket for a flight on (Wednesday). "It's your choice. I cannot tell you what you should do." Thanks a lot!

The Lego Liberty Bell nestled off a very long people mover between gates at PHL

Door to door it took me 24 hours to get back to the Hague which seems normal. Here are my take-aways from spending most of that time in airports:

• Try, try again - If you don't get the answer you want, hang up / spin yourself around, and ask the next agent. Airline rules are often arbitrary and an agent who is tired may not be willing to help you. Yesterday I tried to go standby to PHL and one agent said "No. Philadelphia is closed, I am not going to change your itinerary." About 30 minutes later, I asked the agent standing next to the previous agent and he skipped the standby list and handed me a boarding pass for the next departing flight. I was in Philly 1.5 hours later.
• Free WiFi in some restaurants - The Green Turtle in BWI had an unsecured, free internet connection. Isn't WiFi like water fountains and bathrooms nowadays?
• Philadelphia is a bad airport - It is a sprawling layout with a confusing system of shuttles and terminals. I believe kindergarteners designed it via write-in contest. On the plus side, they do have a Lego liberty bell.
• Always go standby on earlier flights - A lot of times airlines remove their change fees during weather situations like the one in the Northeast this week. If you can get out earlier, do it. My original flight never made it to Philly. The flight I got on was four hours late but "on time" for me. Of course, you risk getting stranded somewhere but I think it is always better to be closer to your destination.
• Se habla español - I called the US Airways customer service line yesterday and the wait time quoted was "one hundred eight minutes" !?!?! I hung up and called back, pushed the number 2 for Spanish and the wait times was quoted as "once minutos"? I decided to go to the airport to change things but that's one I never thought of before.

I hope you don't get 'snarled' anytime soon. Let me know your suggestions for passing time in airport terminals.

Drie Fietsen (Three Bikes)

Columbia, MD, U.S.A.

In a mad-frenzy, before heading to the United States, I bought three bikes. This is below average for the Netherlands because most families have four bikes. I chose the type of bike I should buy the same way I make every important decision, I took a poll (Exhibit A) on this blog. A clear majority (53%) voted that I should buy an omafiets. In total, I bought three.

Exhibit A - Bike Poll Survey of 13 readers, 12/2010

All three of the bikes have a "ladies" step through type frame. It's also called "omafiets" or "opafiets" (literally "granny bike" or "grandpa' bike") here. Despite not being a lady or a grandpa, I was assured that my masculinity would remain intact if I rode one, as they are unisex. Interestingly, although they typically have three speeds, but they don't have a derailer like you would find on a normal ten speed or mountain bike. Plus, the cogs, sprockets, and chain are all sealed in a housing. That's pretty sweet.

Exhibit B - Maggie's new (used) omafiets

Bikes and biking culture in the Netherlands are fascinating to me. I am sure you could write books, people probably have, about all of the different customs and rides. My goal is for Maggie and I to be able to ride bikes, shoulder to shoulder and holding hands, as many couples I have seen by the time we leave. I have also seen parents riding a bike with there hand on the back of a child, helping them along (awwwwhhhh!) on their own bike. You know you are truly Dutch when you can drag a roller-board suitcase behind you whilst riding. Of course, people talk on the phone and hold their umbrellas, but that stuff is amateur.

A few quick takeaways about Dutch biking:

• Bikes have two locks: one chain, one circular. You have to lock both. (BTW - I am going to bring the circular locks back to the States and make a fortune promoting, reselling, and installing them if you want to join me)
• Don't wear a helmet: I am going to try to bring back my helmet after Christmas, but I guarantee you that the local news will do an action news report titled "Strange American Covers Head with Helmet While Riding Bike. We'll ask: why?"
• Always go perpendicular to tram tracks: The tram track is exactly the same size as a bike tire. This is harder to master than you would think. Tram tracks are everywhere. I have talked to a number of people who have wrecked this way. Amazingly, no one I know has been run over by the tram.
• Do not put a rubberband on your pants leg: Besides being a total nerd there would be no need. Most of the bikes have a plastic housing around the bike chain so go ahead and wear your best wool pants sans dorky reflective velcro strap.

Now that I have three bikes, when you come visit you will be able to use one. I hope to see you soon.

EFL (English as a First Language)

The Hague, The Netherlands

Source: Wikipedia, "List of language by number of native speakers"
http://goo.gl/2QMLQ, Accessed 2010-12-09

It is getting easier to be a native English speaker. This is probably what it felt like for native Latin speakers in 117AD at the peak of the Roman empire. Blame internet domain names, Google Translate, the EU,  iPhones, McDonalds, Justin Bieber, or what have you, more people speak English, better, than ever before. Even compensating for my urban-biased life, I rarely run into someone, including in remote Luxembourg, who does not speak far more English than I speak in their native tongue. This makes me lazy and creates even more inertia for me to overcome my monoglotony.

One of the original goals for living abroad, for me, was to perfect my Spanish (see entry on Bogota). So I have been on the lookout for a new language to immerse myself, given our change in venue. German seemed like a good idea given its business applications, but we only get one German TV station and it is bad. Mandarin Chinese was a candidate for similar reasons, but intonation is really hard. Despite sounding more melodious than French and Russian to my ear, Arab was not a candidate given the unlikelihood of me living in a country where the average temperature is above 80 degrees Fahrenheit. Then I threw all of that market-based thinking and rationality aside and made my decision.

Forthwith, I will use Rosetta Stone to try to learn a language natively spoken by nary more than 20 million people (compared to Mandarin with 800 million) and ranking only 45th in the world, Dutch. Sure, toss in the people of Flanders (Belgium) too, but that is not something to brag about and it won't boost Dutch's rank very much. 

Most expats I meet here think I am crazy to want to learn Dutch. I have met liberal polyglots who speak five languages that have lived in The Netherlands for over five years and do not speak more than three words of Dutch. Why would you when 50% of the TV channels are in English and everyone is bi-lingual is what I often hear. Unfortunately, I have also had expats say things to me like "Name one significant Dutch work of literature/film/poetry that would make Dutch worth learning?" 

The reason I want to learn Dutch is that this is my home, for the next nine months, at least. Shouldn't you speak the language of your homeland? Secondarily, I get tired of being so disoriented in public, especially when I spend much of my time alone. (Plus, I know everybody is talking about me behind my back!) Besides, would you want to learn a language that has words like kneuterdijk (songbird-dike), lekker (Tasty!), and alstublieft (please, if you please,...)?

So I'll update you on my progress and how I find Rosetta Stone (an expensive and potentially solitary endeavor). Feel free to enter some comments on language learning or Rosetta Stone.

Tot ziens (See you soon)

December 6th: Sinterklaas and 6-8 Black Men

The Hague, The Netherlands

Yesterday was December 5th. In addition to being a very special birthday, it was also Sinterklaas (St. Nicholas) Eve and today is Sinterklaas Day in the Netherlands. If you have not already, I highly encourage you to read or listen to David Sedaris' Esquire piece about the Dutch Saint Nick, entitled "Six to Eight Black Men." Very funny and insightful.

Happy Sinterklaasje day everyone!